Is there life before death?

Wednesday, September 5, 2007

Saturday, August 18, 2007

Simple things in life

Life seemed a lil dull and tiring recently. Prolly cause my daily life is all too routined or just plain boring. Of course apart from that, there are personal reasons and ermm...personal reasons.

Sure does feel like there's so much to do and so many new things i'd like to try...I always believed that one can do almost anything as long as they put their heart into it...Never to give in to defeat and always putting in their best effort! I still do believe so but it's just that I'm definitely no where as active as i was before.

Back in the days when everything in life was alot more simpler....you know, studying a lil here and there....bumming around with friends....crashing events....meeting new people....a whole lot of self discovery and a whole lot of sports lol! I was very much into sports back in the days. In a way, it did sort of shaped my personality in life. I learned much about friendship, modesty, self endurance and much more. I especially enjoyed playing soccer and basketball (pretty common game around here). It wasn't easy fitting in along with the rest of the soccer players on the field as i was one of the few chinese ppl around and the rest were usually malays (don't misunderstand though, they're all nice ppl although there were a couple of bitches around and i love my friends from all sorts of races =p)....The same applies for basketball, it did take alot of effort to try to be better...there were times where i'd train myself under the hot sun alone for half a day... i'd play with bigger faster guys just to gain some experience...cycle around in my bicycle to different different courts...and when it starts to rain, all the kids would go home and i'll be the only one there still shooting hoops (it was pretty fun and peaceful actually). I didn't know why but there was certainly alot of motivation to be better in basketball prolly cause i enjoyed the game itself and prolly because there were many good players i'd like to challenge. Being a typical guy, I admit that I am pretty competitive and a lil ego lol =p Always healthy to have a lil competition right? One thing for sure, I've never had intentions of causing trouble but only the thought of making new friends and having some plain fun. My rule? Never to play dirty unless he starts playing dirty 1st lol. Even after a dirty game among men, we'd still shake hands and laugh it off lol. A wise woman once told me "Everybody is good, it's just how you bring out the best in them". sighhhhhh...those were the days....

Now, there's just no motivation anymore. Not because I'm the best out there (I may have some ego but I'd like to think of myself as a humble man =p) but it's just that after years of balling, it's time for me to take a step back and focus on other things in life.

As some of you may know, I like to travel around and experience new adventures thus, I just hate it sometimes when I feel like I'm doin the same thing over and over again. However, I've been reminded recently to enjoy the simple things in life. It did made life seem a whole lot better lol. I've been listening to some jazz music (Jamie Cullum) and some Madison Avenue ( I like the beat lol) yeah, music, rain and solitude does help sometimes =p

So off I go to work on my accounting assignments. damn it! I hate it! lol.

have a lovely simple day peeps

Some simple random pics? Hamster on a bag....

Fuzzy aka Cerberus the hamster. Evan's lil pet, according to him this lil rat is capable of taking on my 2 black dogs. I like your humor Evan =p

Number 0 and Jason has been complaining how come I never upload pics of the team =p
(Clockwise from top right: Izahar, Eugene, Jack, Marc, Albert, Satyan, Me and Kailash aka Number 0) p.s. Jason and other team members were absent while Evan the head cheerleader was camera shy lol jkjk

Eugene forgot his jersey but was persistent in marking his territory....Number 7 wtf man Eugene lol, funny guy.

digital love;
3:09 AM

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

Lurvophobic

oh my dear god. don't know why is it so bloody hard to come up with the first few lines in blogging. Oh well, it's not like i'm into blogging that much to begin with. So wat have I been up to? hmmm...

Magic tricks? thy shall make thee coin dissapear before thou eyes lol. currently attempting to increase mental strength to bend a fork =p

obsession for foos and cats are dying...

been gettin back into the game of pool again lately...

been watching F.R.I.E.N.D.S everyday again...

been playing some mahjong with friends lately =p

been having bloody gory dreams lately (I was killing some babe, long long story but long story short, I'm still the good guy =p )

been playing flash games "spank the monkey" (yes mich, I'm a better spanker than you =p ) I freaking spanked the monkey at 507 miles/hour thank u very much!! *woot*

sigh. have been feeling a lil weird lately. At some point, everything felt at place. you know it's as though ur happy and blessed with how things are going on with ur life and after awhile you just start feeling lifeless and miserable again for some reason. I don't know anymore, I just don't. Nothing in life seems right and everythin else seems misplaced. Ever think of what's gonna happen in the near future?... I've been thinking alot...well actually...I day dream all the time thinking of how andrew's lil journey in life is gonna end up in the future...will I still be able to keep my friends? will I be able to make a reasonably affordable living? will I be able to support lil sister's education in the future? (i can't believe i actually thought of that myself considering how annoying she is =p ) ...will I change for better or worse? how will I die? will I die being single? ...will I ever find someone?...will I actually become an accountant =S holy shaits, that's quite a handful of thinking eh? =p but hey! life is so boring!!! come to think of it, it's been a long while since i took a break from reality. a trip to the beach would be just purrrrrrfecct! OH GOD!!!! this SUCKS!!!!!!!!! I guess I should start counting my blessings instead of cursing the darkness and start living in the present each day with gratefulness. easier said than done pffffffffff.....

Oh here's an interesting topic! L.O.V.E. oh how beautiful! gosh! lurve a many many splendid thing! that poison which makes ur knees weak..ur face glow..ur hormones raging...oh love me love me bla bla bla bla bla etc. etc. My dear fellow readers, please do not take this wrongly as i've not become hateful nor have i become pathetically lifeless to the point that i'd venture out the shit on love itself lol. Instead, it has simply been the centre of topics among men and women for many lightyears now. So wanna know my point of view?

I personally think that true love is so hard to find now. wth does that mean in the first place? hell i wouldn't know lol. Sigh, let's not even start off with true love, just love and sincerity itself ain't there. That's right!! it has come to a point of extinction people. what you all are feeling is just a mixture of lust, physical attraction, infatuation and mere illusions! Old ones leave when New meat comes along *wink* Seems to me like that's always the case for both men and women. perhaps it's trend. perhaps it's da real deal oh hell who knows! could be anythin... And most certainly without a doubt the art of courting is all a game! how many would actually be themselves in that game? and how could u tell? bet ur parents say "you think you know someone until they start cursing like that/ until they start throwing stuff etc etc. " why is everything so complicated lol? However, after all that's said and done of course this does not apply to everyone. There's definitely love in the air out there. I have some friends whom are doing really well in their relationships and they should be feeling hella lucky everyday. To put it simply, I just think that nice ppl finish last because ppl take them for granted! And oh how true it is!! 'people want the thing they cannot have the most' So moral of the story is... don't be nice idiots! be bad... be very very bad =p

I have a friend, he was very much in love with this gurl...bla bla long story short! ---> gurl leaves guy to get back together with old bf, this just sounds all too familiar doesn't it? =p oh well im sure it's pretty common lol. So anyways, of course being a friend I would be pretty sad for him but surprisingly he told me that "it's okay, she's back together with someone she really cares about and if i put myself in her shoes, i prolly would have done the same" I was just blown away!! it's always easier said than done but being able to see the bigger picture in such a situation just left me speechless for the nite! In other words, it left me like "waddafak!" I just realised that it's easier to let go of someone out of happiness for them instead of hate and jealousy. Much respect to my friend =)

At the end of the day, we should all just be ourselves and be appreciative for what we have before realization of loss comes too late.

So thy wish thee lovely love birds much joy and love in thou every moment of time and life.

digital love;
10:13 AM

Sunday, July 29, 2007

Salem da' Cat

Personal comments: yup! it's a gurl...

Personal comments: Awwwwwwwwwww~!

Personal comments: Awwwwwwwwwwwwww~!

Cat talk: If only we can fly...free bird food...

Cat talk: Fish will do.....

Cat talk: If only birds can't fly....bird meat...

Personal comments: *no comment* wow~!

Cat talk: prrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr......

Cat talk: slurps.......foooood.....

Personal comments: Twins = White cat + Black cat who thinks he's White

Cat talk: ........m. i. o. w............

Cat talk: hmmm..how many lives do I have left.....??

digital love;
11:59 AM

Saturday, July 28, 2007

Miow?

Photography anyone?? Dance anyone? Kickboxing anyone? Mahjong anyone?? lol. wtf. yup! pretty much bored with boring old routined life. had a couple of ideas in mind already and thought to myself y not try something new? Photography seems like an interesting hobby which many of my frens have indulged themselves in and there's definitely a fine distinction between photogaphy and camwhoring (yes i'm referring to you' kk') lol jkjk. wtf.

Some pics my dear neighbour Sze May sent to me. sources can be retrieved from deviant art.

The Red Death by Larafairie
Artist's comments: story inspiration is from Snow White when she ate the apple, the motion is just before she falls to the floor..

Love Is Blind by Larafairie
Personal comments: blind indeed, how cute =S ...lol

Modern Cinderella by Larafairie
Personal comments: dejavu dejavu, a simple defintion of classic classy 'artsy fartsy' (S.May, 2007) lol.

Pediophobia by Larafairie
Artist's comments: Pediophobia - Fear of dolls/mannequins.

She is not meant to look like she's scared herself - the concept is meant for the audience to see their own fears. With this project I'm trying to show phobias in two different ways - 1. To capture the sufferer facing their fear. 2. To bring the audience's own feelings into the work by using the audience as the 'sufferer'.

Personal comments: a picture shows a thousand words plus one's personal phobia. one of my favs.

Sleeping by Larafairie
Artist's comments: A Shot of Harry, my next door neighbours cat. He loves posing for the camera. Just look at that paw!

Personal comments: No comments. I wonder if my lips actually look like that =3 lol

Through her eyes by Larafairie
Personal comments: Such mysterious eyes *drools* if only i have eyes like those but then it could turn out weird and scary lol. Nevertheless, such mysterious eyessss *drooolllsss*

Those pictures are just fantastic aren't they? Photography indeed...for a guy who doesn't like being in pictures. lol . wtf. Larafaire = young beautiful talented artiste' , nuff said.

Ciow miow bello, prrrrrrrrrrrrr...

digital love;
1:21 PM

Wednesday, July 18, 2007

Only When I Sleep

It's 4 am in the morning and you've got class tomorrow, damn it AY! Is it so hard to just shut your eye? Sigh~! Unfortunately so it is...why? why why why? somethin i've been asking myself for the past few weeks already, so many questions and so lil answers! prolly one of the many too few times i've rambled on and on aimlessly about err..er stuffs? I'm usually a pretty optimistic person who'd like to count my blessings instead of wandering alone in the darkness for a long long time. U know..the usual 'looking at the brighter side of life and stuff' so yeah! I'm usually able to pick myself up pretty fast i guess but this time..oh my dear god this time...i think i've hit rock bottom for the first time in a long long time!!

For starters, i did horribly last semester and that alone is an understatement!! I couldn't believe it myself either but well wat do u know, life can be a bitch sometimes and shit happens!!Perhaps this is god's way of showing me that nothing in life can be certain. Perhaps this is one of his tests!?? gosh! who would've known. wtf. I didn't foos much last semester as much as i did the previous semesters. I did reasonably alright for my internal assessments. I allocated my time for both studies and friends. wtf. sigh sigh sigh! what in the hell is going on with me! Somehow, i lost track of time back then and i still am. I definitely was distracted by many many things. I focused too much on expecting so much of the end results in the future rather than putting my best concentration and effort in the present! So it looks like someone paid a heavy heavy price for it!

New campus looks pretty awesome but the spark just ain't there anymore. Especially our beloved student lounge MUSA! doesn't feel cozy one bit! everythin looks too plain and cramped up!!! feels like a big bunch of strange students invading the place once called home! It's hell a whole lot smaller! don't feel like hanging out there much anymore. oh how sad. maybe all i need now is time to adapt. time to move on and time to change. time is so precious and yet i've been lingering around in the past thinking of what could have happened if things worked out differently. If things weren't so bloody complicated. Im wasting so much of my time now. damn it! 'Nothing ventured nothing gained, go anywhere as long as it's forward'

The more i think about 'it', the more it hurts, the more confusing it gets, the weaker it gets!! Can't help it though, i'm pretty much a goner for now!! lol lol lol wtf. funny how some ppl can still laugh off the pain. Insanity is definitely the word for it!! It's da 3rd night in row i've been dreaming of 'it'!i felt so helpless! lol. wtf. As if there was something in my will i could do to change things anyway and even if i did try to protect and prevent 'it' from happening, i know for a fact it won't do the situation any good because ignorance can kill you. He's so lucky! or is he now? She's so lucky or is she now? Perhaps one of the reasons why 'it' happened was because he could offer somethin the other could not. it's prolly not even worth someone's time trying to think about it. I honestly have oh so much to say but some readers of my blog are pathetically incapable of staying out of others business. As if that wasn't bad enough, there's always the nasty spread of false rumor going around and only fools would buy it. I couldn't be bothered much by what people think of me. I've been taught that way. Of course it would be nice to get into their good graces and befriends with all of them. But, you can't please everyone. The only way you could possibly do that is to lie to yourself and your beliefs. I have perspectives in life which might contradict to other people's way of thinking and since every action has a reaction, there's always gonna be one or two bastards trying to bring u down. So far, i'd like to believe that i've done everything in my will to be a better man. Of course i am only human and i've made many errors in my past which im sure i'd continue to make them because one can only learn from their mistakes, right? However, i simply cannot push aside what a majority of others think of me, if majority says your a bitch, chances are...you are one! lol so what can one do when it all comes down to that? Accept the fact that you are a bitch, forgive yourself and use these comments to correct yourself. At least that's what i'd usually do. wtf. Wanna know what else is true? Nice guys finish last. that's a fact of life right there at least at this period of time. but of course this does not apply to every soul. Some ppl/first timers get hella lucky playing that role. At the end of the day, you would question yourself "hmmmm should i continue being the nice guy and wait or should i just forget the whole idea and adapt to watever the hell society is doing". Sigh~! choices choices and more choices! Most of the time, you only get one shot in life and once u've decided it, there's no turning back, no leisure of regretting over your mistakes, all or nothing. Easily could have someone chose a different path but at the end of the day, that someone continued playing that role although it hurts oh so much. Holy shaits, look at all the bullshit i've blabbed about! wow, i amaze myself sometimes *woot* lol wtf. wtf. wtf. ignore me, im just a tired lil kid trying to get some sleep through cock talking sessions. lol ouch!my mendula oblongata is actually in much pain now. lol

So yeah, i confess! I've been under alot of depression lately in this period of time which seems like forever to me!! Will i ever see the light again?? oh wow yet again, i'm amazed at how dramatic i can be lol wtf. The burden to pick yourself up feels so much heavier now for some reason. The worst part is it sux having to affect your friends around you just because of your own issues. How selfish and pathetic is that!! I'm usually pretty alright when it comes to hiding my feelings not wanting to affect my friends mood around me. Sadly, lately, i've been unable to hide it completely and it has affected some of my friends. damn it!! but they're very supportive *smiles*

Oh btw, my birthday just passed a few days ago. It was again a memorable one!! I gotta admit i didn't get pressies this year lol but screw the pressies! I'm just thankful i have loved ones to share it with and their presence is all i need. Thank you all oh so much! *smiles*

I've been watching F.R.I.E.N.D.S again just to cheer myself up and it definitely helps a bit.
Although life can be a bitch sometimes but hey! at least you always have your friends around to carry you back up lol I can defintely relate myself to some of the episodes shown in FRIENDS! definitely! and i'm pretty sure most of us can too *smiles* I still remember that laugh she made when she was watching the show for the 1st time upstairs all by herself. lol
I've been doing alot of sports lately (basketball and futsal), i've been coming online a lil more often lately, I've been walking my dogs lately (only coz i was told to do so or else there would be no dinner for me wtf) lol, I've been catching up with some people lately. Sooooo yeah watever! My life is good now and it really is time for me to wake up!! woot*! lol wtf yet again.

I've been writing all these Nonsensical Randomations (In the words of Wendy aka lil wendy aka deelish) for the past 1 and a half hour now. Im gonna reference this source now ---> Nonsensical Randomations (Wendy, 2007). wtf. God I'm lame! Thank god!! Amen! wtf.

So time to wrap it up! bless and bless each & everyone whom i know or may not know or may know in the future, wowing at myself yet again! wtf. Oops! how could i forget the haters out there, I'm a reasonable dude, so may thou be blessed blissfully with compassion and vision, witts and wisdom, honesty and sincerity upon thou thy thou thy thou sadistic lil soul!! konichiwa!

Word count: 1477 words

digital love;
1:06 PM

Friday, July 6, 2007

Crawling

So there he was sitting by the sidelines with the rest of his homes thinking to himself what a bitch life can be. Everyone else had their side of the story but he simply could not relate himself with the others.

Time passes by oh so slowly each day but it felt just like yesterday when everything that is of happiness to him suddenly turned into a nightmare come true. 'It' has happened to him many times before and he may have foreseen this but he wasn't prepared. No where near prepared. Occupying himself during the day but the pain returns during the night. Every morning he wakes up hoping that this was all just a dream. Reality check hits him and he begins to think what's the matter him? Questioning himself everyday just about everything from the way he presents himself to the way he blames it all on rotten luck! Some friends said "not too worry, 3rd time lucky"

However, it's much harder now, he doesn't know whether he should take things seriously anymore. His heart turned cold and hard not wanting to feel the same pain anymore. Sorrow and confusion is all that consumes him now and the lack of self control he fears is never ending. So hard to find the right words to bring himself back up again but so easy it is to find 'those words' which felt like a million stabs to the heart that is being revived again and again just so such tormenting processes would repeat itself. In spite of everything, he never regretted 'that' fateful day. Although the joy was short lived, he cherished every moment of it and will always be a part of the soul's memory. Holding his word, he does not feel hate nor jealousy but only a kind thought that she's finally happy. Much easier said than done as always because he is human too. She has her flaws but he likes her even more for her imperfections. There is nothing else he can do now but to let go and move forward. All the best! he four-letter words her =) miow......

dedicated in memory of caesar

digital love;
10:16 AM