Is there life before death?

Name: Andrew/Just-a-dude
School: SMSU/SYUC/Monash University
B'day: July 16
Likes: Foosball,streetball,football(anythin associated with a ball), Music and Movies, Anime and Animals
I am worth $2,086,906

When trying to avoid sexual intercourse after a long day at work, say this to your wife "I knew I should not have donated blood today"

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The Corrs - Only when i sleep

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Wednesday, July 18, 2007

Only When I Sleep

It's 4 am in the morning and you've got class tomorrow, damn it AY! Is it so hard to just shut your eye? Sigh~! Unfortunately so it is...why? why why why? somethin i've been asking myself for the past few weeks already, so many questions and so lil answers! prolly one of the many too few times i've rambled on and on aimlessly about err..er stuffs? I'm usually a pretty optimistic person who'd like to count my blessings instead of wandering alone in the darkness for a long long time. U know..the usual 'looking at the brighter side of life and stuff' so yeah! I'm usually able to pick myself up pretty fast i guess but this time..oh my dear god this time...i think i've hit rock bottom for the first time in a long long time!!

For starters, i did horribly last semester and that alone is an understatement!! I couldn't believe it myself either but well wat do u know, life can be a bitch sometimes and shit happens!!Perhaps this is god's way of showing me that nothing in life can be certain. Perhaps this is one of his tests!?? gosh! who would've known. wtf. I didn't foos much last semester as much as i did the previous semesters. I did reasonably alright for my internal assessments. I allocated my time for both studies and friends. wtf. sigh sigh sigh! what in the hell is going on with me! Somehow, i lost track of time back then and i still am. I definitely was distracted by many many things. I focused too much on expecting so much of the end results in the future rather than putting my best concentration and effort in the present! So it looks like someone paid a heavy heavy price for it!

New campus looks pretty awesome but the spark just ain't there anymore. Especially our beloved student lounge MUSA! doesn't feel cozy one bit! everythin looks too plain and cramped up!!! feels like a big bunch of strange students invading the place once called home! It's hell a whole lot smaller! don't feel like hanging out there much anymore. oh how sad. maybe all i need now is time to adapt. time to move on and time to change. time is so precious and yet i've been lingering around in the past thinking of what could have happened if things worked out differently. If things weren't so bloody complicated. Im wasting so much of my time now. damn it! 'Nothing ventured nothing gained, go anywhere as long as it's forward'

The more i think about 'it', the more it hurts, the more confusing it gets, the weaker it gets!! Can't help it though, i'm pretty much a goner for now!! lol lol lol wtf. funny how some ppl can still laugh off the pain. Insanity is definitely the word for it!! It's da 3rd night in row i've been dreaming of 'it'!i felt so helpless! lol. wtf. As if there was something in my will i could do to change things anyway and even if i did try to protect and prevent 'it' from happening, i know for a fact it won't do the situation any good because ignorance can kill you. He's so lucky! or is he now? She's so lucky or is she now? Perhaps one of the reasons why 'it' happened was because he could offer somethin the other could not. it's prolly not even worth someone's time trying to think about it. I honestly have oh so much to say but some readers of my blog are pathetically incapable of staying out of others business. As if that wasn't bad enough, there's always the nasty spread of false rumor going around and only fools would buy it. I couldn't be bothered much by what people think of me. I've been taught that way. Of course it would be nice to get into their good graces and befriends with all of them. But, you can't please everyone. The only way you could possibly do that is to lie to yourself and your beliefs. I have perspectives in life which might contradict to other people's way of thinking and since every action has a reaction, there's always gonna be one or two bastards trying to bring u down. So far, i'd like to believe that i've done everything in my will to be a better man. Of course i am only human and i've made many errors in my past which im sure i'd continue to make them because one can only learn from their mistakes, right? However, i simply cannot push aside what a majority of others think of me, if majority says your a bitch, chances are...you are one! lol so what can one do when it all comes down to that? Accept the fact that you are a bitch, forgive yourself and use these comments to correct yourself. At least that's what i'd usually do. wtf. Wanna know what else is true? Nice guys finish last. that's a fact of life right there at least at this period of time. but of course this does not apply to every soul. Some ppl/first timers get hella lucky playing that role. At the end of the day, you would question yourself "hmmmm should i continue being the nice guy and wait or should i just forget the whole idea and adapt to watever the hell society is doing". Sigh~! choices choices and more choices! Most of the time, you only get one shot in life and once u've decided it, there's no turning back, no leisure of regretting over your mistakes, all or nothing. Easily could have someone chose a different path but at the end of the day, that someone continued playing that role although it hurts oh so much. Holy shaits, look at all the bullshit i've blabbed about! wow, i amaze myself sometimes *woot* lol wtf. wtf. wtf. ignore me, im just a tired lil kid trying to get some sleep through cock talking sessions. lol ouch!my mendula oblongata is actually in much pain now. lol

So yeah, i confess! I've been under alot of depression lately in this period of time which seems like forever to me!! Will i ever see the light again?? oh wow yet again, i'm amazed at how dramatic i can be lol wtf. The burden to pick yourself up feels so much heavier now for some reason. The worst part is it sux having to affect your friends around you just because of your own issues. How selfish and pathetic is that!! I'm usually pretty alright when it comes to hiding my feelings not wanting to affect my friends mood around me. Sadly, lately, i've been unable to hide it completely and it has affected some of my friends. damn it!! but they're very supportive *smiles*

Oh btw, my birthday just passed a few days ago. It was again a memorable one!! I gotta admit i didn't get pressies this year lol but screw the pressies! I'm just thankful i have loved ones to share it with and their presence is all i need. Thank you all oh so much! *smiles*

I've been watching F.R.I.E.N.D.S again just to cheer myself up and it definitely helps a bit.
Although life can be a bitch sometimes but hey! at least you always have your friends around to carry you back up lol I can defintely relate myself to some of the episodes shown in FRIENDS! definitely! and i'm pretty sure most of us can too *smiles* I still remember that laugh she made when she was watching the show for the 1st time upstairs all by herself. lol
I've been doing alot of sports lately (basketball and futsal), i've been coming online a lil more often lately, I've been walking my dogs lately (only coz i was told to do so or else there would be no dinner for me wtf) lol, I've been catching up with some people lately. Sooooo yeah watever! My life is good now and it really is time for me to wake up!! woot*! lol wtf yet again.

I've been writing all these Nonsensical Randomations (In the words of Wendy aka lil wendy aka deelish) for the past 1 and a half hour now. Im gonna reference this source now ---> Nonsensical Randomations (Wendy, 2007). wtf. God I'm lame! Thank god!! Amen! wtf.

So time to wrap it up! bless and bless each & everyone whom i know or may not know or may know in the future, wowing at myself yet again! wtf. Oops! how could i forget the haters out there, I'm a reasonable dude, so may thou be blessed blissfully with compassion and vision, witts and wisdom, honesty and sincerity upon thou thy thou thy thou sadistic lil soul!! konichiwa!

Word count: 1477 words

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